26th
I finally decided to go back to the river for a solo paddle. I’ve ended back at Wallpolla.
I’ve woken to a magical morning without the faintest wind or cloud.
Venus leads the sun to rise as the morning songs from all the birds seem to will it also to rise.
Music or busyness would only ruin such a moment as it seems to encloses one in a bubble, making you oblivious to the surrounds.
For me if these moments are missed, if I don’t tune in to the rhythm of nature, I may as well have been anywhere else in the world. I would miss what makes this place unique, and not be present.
As light increases still I feel a failure to fully absorb the moment. Its all so fleeting and to capture it is like to capture the wind, or hold water in your hand.
It will pass, it will come to an end.
The difference is; Did you miss it? Were you actually there?
To help me be present today I’m leaving my phone on flight mode. When I’m solo often times feelings of loneliness can be strong, and Facebook and the like can distract you from those feelings.
It brings those people out there with you, but also takes part of you away to where they are.
When this happens I believe you are no longer truly solo.
Which you may feel is a good thing, to not be alone, unless you went on the journey to experience a solo.
Then all the benefits that drove you to go solo are hindered or only partially obtained. In other words, you’re cheating and the person you’re cheating against is yourself.
AMUSEMENT – To muse is to think or meditate in silence, as on some subject.
A-musement then is to remain distracted.
How much of your day do you spend in amusement? Really think about that.
What I’m learning is the key to solo is to be deliberately present in mind, body and soul as much of the time as possible.
This may very well mean experiencing feelings that are hard, such as; Loneliness, longing, fear and anxiety.
Seriously, get acquainted. Sit with them instead of suppressing them.
For many of us these characters have been suppressed by distractions and entertainments for most of our lives.
When this happens we can become terrified of these characters, and will do anything to avoid them. I work with young people who are so afraid to be by themselves without distractions for fear of what they might hear inside themselves.
Get acquainted. They hold the keys to a whole world inside of you that you haven’t met yet. A deeper, richer world.
Learn to master them, to wield them into a strength or else they will wield you into a weakness.
I’ve identified my current emotional struggle comes from a sense of loneliness and longing. Its not that I am lonely in my life, but it is a feeling that surfaces when I’m away by my self. When it comes, I unconsciously alleviate it with social media, instead of actually allowing myself to feel the discomfort, and honour the cause and the place of it. I have people to miss, and that is amazing. It is healthy to build strong desire to see those you care about again, and let that longing give cause to how you will love them better when you return. But that’s it, return with your body, not before.
Honour the time you’ve set apart to be by yourself, and actually be.
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